DCO Thailand

amazon.co.uk

amazon.com

Waterstone's

Thailand Fever
A Road Map for Thai-Western Relationships
Chris Pirazzi and Vitada Vasant

In both English and Thai on facing pages.
You've met the perfect Thai woman. You're dizzy with joy as her exotic world swirls around you. You've heard so many horror stories, but your heart tells you that she's for real. You want to understand her mysterious ways, and you wish she could understand yours. Now, there's help...
Thailand Fever is an astonishing, one-of-a-kind, bilingual exposé of the cultural secrets that are the key to a smooth Thai–Western relationship. Whether you met in a bar, in a university, or at work, and whether you met last night or a decade ago, Thailand Fever covers your issues:

• Trust
• Sex
• It's My Money
• The Parents
• The Dowry
• Privacy
• Independence
• Saving Face
• Living in Paradise

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This reads like some of those widely published American self-help books who seek to boil the whole issue down to a few populist sociological ideas (eg. such books as Men are from Mars and women are from Venus or How to make friends and influence people)
In this case the key theme of the book is that westerners value independence mostly and Thais value generosity mostly. Everything that can go wrong within a Thai-Farang relationship is analysed within these parameters. Naturally, this leads to some peculiar argumentation. For example, westerners are repulsed by prostitution because it goes against the notion of independence, the female's right to choose her mate. Prostitutes are considered as outcasts in western society because they are not independent. Also a westerner feels uncomfortable with the Thai notion of sharing your wealth with your family as it goes against his ideas about independence. Western parents are also proud of their children if they are rude or abusive to authority figures such as teachers as it shows that they have been brought up right - they are showing independence! That section is enough to scare away any Thai lady I think - Truly Ting Tong in the Thai value system.) So the book does over-simplify things.
I still thought it was a good book. It does try to look at the things that cause conflict between Thais and westerners with a sympathetic point of view towards the Thais. The Thai values of generosity (naam-jai) and honouring debts (sam-nak-bun-kun) is clearly spelt out. It is a system that reminds you of the old Roman social system. It works within a group of people who have a hierarchical idea about society. There are unwritten codes within a community that determine who is up and who is down among that group of people. If you have been given a favour through someones generosity it obliges you to try at every opportunity to honour this debt. It may be that the recipient of the generosity will never be able to honour this debt and will forever be a client (the Roman term) who has to show respect and gratitude towards his patron in whatever small way he can. If fortune shines on the person who has been given generous favours and he is able to repay these and more then the tables are turned and it is the other person who is now indebted and has to show respect and gratitude. Thais will know when these small balances of power have taken place - it is in the nature of their hierarchical way of thinking. Westerners are alien to this system as we have adopted a capitalist way of thinking. 3-400 years ago most westerners thought like Thai people, but with the advent of capitalism and a more dynamic and fluid social system westerners came to think of everything as short business transactions. Westerners like wriiten contracts in their human relationships. In that way both parties are clear about how to fulfil the agreement they have made with each other. Westerners live within a dynamic social system where there is constant change in who they do business with or interact with. They do not live in static small communities where debts are being repaid in drips over many years. Westerners need instant pay-offs - instant fairness - quid pro quo.
The point the book is trying to make is that Thai people expect the farang to be generous. In their eyes it is not something that is one way - ie. the Thais exploiting the westerner's wealth. The westerner should be happy to show Naam jai as people become indebted to him and according to Buddhist beliefs his present generosity will ensure that good things await him in the future (what goes around comes around). If a westerner tries to resist this system and demands that everything should be totally fair here and now - ie. if he pays 1,000 THB for anything then he should see some kind of tangible pay back to feel comfortable - then Thai people will look upon him with contempt. If the flow of money from the westerner is a continual drip in one direction then the westerner feels exploited - this is bad business - I am being conned. But Thais think that if it should happen that the westerner falls on hard times then he will be repaid manifold - the westerner will never have to fear poverty or loneliness as he has now made so many people indebted to him. But the point is that this point of returning the favours may never occur. The Thais see no problem with this as this is how their social system operates. The westerner should feel happy that he has high status within their community because of his naam jai.
It was an interesting book to read from this perspective. But whether it is true that Thai people respect Farangs and feel as indebted to farangs as they would to a similarly generous Thai I honestly do not know.

Nice review Henson...

I might even read it next time i'm in LOS.


Nick

prioritypress,
It is good and have two copies one for g/f and for one me and i take hers 19/11/05 (LOS here i come)
colin244

Agree or disagree reading this book with your partner might throw light into or on areas of your relationship and discussion is the basis for understanding.

A good review.

Richard

Joy and I have read this book albeit not together.

I thought the book over-simplified things but did point out differences that exsist between the two cultures. If anything it promotes discussions about a range of things (we talked a lot about the Thai concept of "face" as a result) and I wouldn't discourage anyone and their partners from having a read of this.

Cheers
Phillip

Thanks Phillipp.

I've put it on the must read list...


Nick

I'd agree with Phillips views on this book. I just read it and bought a copy for Ooy. I thought it helpful in that it concentrated on western-thai relationships and though I'd read plenty about thai culture, the format used here meant I picked up things I'd missed elsewhere. Likewise, Ooy asked plenty as a result of reading it and started compromising almost immediately!!

I've told her to make sure that she reads it to her family!!!!

I'd recommend this book, if anyone still hasn't got round to it.

thailand fever website

Thailand Fever should be mandatory reading for anyone in a Thai-Western relationship. This little book has helped Thaiboi and I come to a greater understanding of each others' cultures, customs and sensitivities, as well as being a significant factor in our relationship reaching its next level.

Buy it and read it together.

amazon's stock of thai themed books appears to be growing.