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gary b
18th Oct 2007, 17:00
hi, this is a very seious , 100% genuine question, , i am maried to a thai, liviving in the uk with , her 2 kids aged 11, 12 , and my ex , english wife has hit me with c. s a i cannot affort to live here in uk paying for my 2 kids , [who i keep in my house 3 nights per wek] as well as paying the ex 300 pounds per month, i love my kids more than anything,and this is forcing me to sell my house and go and live in thailand, please any advice will do, if i sell my house i will have about 80, 000 pounds i am only 44 years old any advice on how to live build a life in thailand. i knoow all thje monety in china would not allow you to leave your kidw s but i basics , if you have 100 pound coming in , how can you pay 110 ponund ou . please advice. TRUTH

gary b
18th Oct 2007, 17:00
hi, this is a very seious , 100% genuine question, , i am maried to a thai, liviving in the uk with , her 2 kids aged 11, 12 , and my ex , english wife has hit me with c. s a i cannot affort to live here in uk paying for my 2 kids , [who i keep in my house 3 nights per wek] as well as paying the ex 300 pounds per month, i love my kids more than anything,and this is forcing me to sell my house and go and live in thailand, please any advice will do, if i sell my house i will have about 80, 000 pounds i am only 44 years old any advice on how to live build a life in thailand. i knoow all thje monety in china would not allow you to leave your kidw s but i basics , if you have 100 pound coming in , how can you pay 110 ponund ou . please advice. TRUTH

Casey Jones
18th Oct 2007, 17:24
Think long & hard before selling up & going to Thailand for a reason such as this! You'll lose two kids & two kids will lose you. What a terrible out come all round!!!!!!
There must be plenty of folk in your situation but are they all jumping ship & leaving the kids behind?
Think of the emotional damage you'll cause those children. Surely they must come first?
Get down the citizen's advice & see what can be done. :nod:
Plus...80G will not go far if you are only 44 years old. With good health you've got to live off that for maybe 30 years unless you can earn & live on a Thai wage. What you gonna do in 5 years time ( if that! ) when the moneys all gone...come back to the UK & start over? How you gonna afford to see & support your UK kids or are you going to forget about them altogether? :shrug:

Tobias
19th Oct 2007, 02:44
Topic moved here.

richardb
19th Oct 2007, 04:20
Originally posted by gary b:
if you have 100 pound coming in , how can you pay 110 ponund ou . please advice. TRUTH

You can't. So you do not pay it here in the Uk rather than not paying it in Thailand. Firstly have the CSA got their figures correct. Do they have all the relevant information. The CSA are notoriously rubish.

If and it is a big if the figures are correct is it not better to see your kids three days a week and pay something than pay nothing and leave them altogether.

It may well be that your ex will use access to the kids as leaverage to get more money. At the first hint of this go see your friendly lawyer.

The childrens interests are paramount.

Richard

db1
19th Oct 2007, 04:57
If the children live with you for three days a week every week, then go to see your local C.A.B. centre and also write to the CSA and get you monthly payments changed.
Do they know you are married again, do they know you look after the kids, TELL THEM NOW.

Tobias
19th Oct 2007, 06:46
It appears to me you need to seek legal advice. Some of what you say does not appear quite right (I'm not saying you are not telling the truth by the way).

You say your wife has hit you with the CSA. Is this a threat to go to the CSA or have the CSA actually assessed a payment?

If so, have your circumstances changed since any CSA assessment? If so, you need to seek legal advice to see about the possibility of a reassessment.

If the CSA have not made an assessment, then there is no reason why you shouldn't let your wife contact them. If what you are paying is genuinely unaffordable and your ex is refusing to be realistic about maintenance for your children, then let the CSA calculate for you.

As for running away to Thailand to avoid paying toward your children's' upkeep - shame on you! They didn't ask to be born, you have an obligation (moral and legal) to support your children. Why should it be left to your ex to find the money and support needed to look after your children?

Scally
20th Oct 2007, 00:19
I agree with Tobias, I dont know much on this subject but I cannot see how the CSA can ask for money which will in turn damage your current family suituation, they will not take food from one child to give to another...I am sure if you are assessed properly it will be conducted with a view of all of your present commitments and financial obligations.

Paul tee nung
20th Oct 2007, 00:56
You say you are paying the ex £300, what is that for? I can't fully remember but you pay 15% for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three.And when they live with you for 3 nights as well it wont be as much as you think. I think i refered to a children need fathers website. Good luck to you as i know how stresfull it is for you at the moment.

KhunIanB-UK
20th Oct 2007, 16:32
Gary B,

I can only advise you to see the Citizens Advice Bureau and expect a major fight on your hands, you will have to stand your corner and fight against a department that is a law unto themselves IMHO!

You will need to work out all your income and ALL your expenditure (no harm in doing regardless), this may take a little time, but will put your financial situation in a clear and definite position.

Regardless of previous posters comments, I have been in the same situation and suffered immensely! I also know other people who have been in the same position and either gone "underground" or left the country, a very close relative took this option.

I know it is not a case of not wanting to take responsibility for your own children, but it is a case of do I make 1 family work and one fall by the wayside or both families fail! I fell into this predicament and can asure you you are not alone, but you will need to use the system to fight the system and make some very harsh decisions if the C.A.B. can't help.

I can asure Tobias and Ginodan that the CSA do ask for more than can be afforded and are extremely underhand at "hitting" those that can be contacted rather than chasing those that can't. You get an attachment from earnings and they take the money while you have to fight to get enough to survive back!!!!

It starts off with phone calls saying that "Hello, it's the Department of Works and Pensiosn, is that xxxx and is it OK to talk" when answered they only then tell you it is the Child Support Agency, why don't they say this in the first place?

I ended up shutting down a fairly successfull business due to demands on me, the charges and the admin were crippling. They take distance as the crow flies and I needed a car for work, but lived just less than 3 miles (as the crow flies) from my normal place of work, it took 3.5 miles to drive, due to this they told me that I didn't need a car and so the car and expense could not be used as a reduction against payments that they judged payable, no way would they accept that I could not travel as the crow flies and that I did need a car for work!!!

During my dealings with the CSA I was strongly advised to "get the sack" as it would mean more disposable income, hard to believe that as a VERY well payed individual that this would be true, but it was. I have struggled through, and after many years I have really suffered, contact with the children was also difficult to maintain when it was a case of do I eat or pay for Petrol to drive and see them!

The other thing that bugged me is the money going to the CSA went into a "pot" and only some went to the ex and very little of that went to the children (what's to stop the ex living it up while the children are used as pawns?)

The most important point is to get a thorough understanding of your income and expenditure and then use this into fighting to keep yourself and your family in a compromise situation where there is no "loser", you will never be a winner with the CSA!

I hope no one else drops comments referring to "dessertion" of your children as I KNOW how difficult it is to be in a "forced hand" situation and the horror of decisions that you may have to make.

Lot's of other factors involved, but get yourself down the CAB with all your paperwork ASAP before considering Thailand.

Good luck!

BigRed
21st Oct 2007, 03:57
Well said IanB. I thought the CSA were being judged as such failures they were being replaced?

BigRed

Tobias
21st Oct 2007, 05:06
Originally posted by BigRed:
Well said IanB. I have offered my opinion and have no reason to change what I have said subsequent to IanB-UK's post. The OP should take legal advice (or advice from a CAB) on this. The problem of advising when one has a subjective view is that such advice is not always the most reliable as emotions of past experiences get in the way. If the OP is experiencing such major problems, then there are legal possibilities to help relieve such difficulties.

As I said above, something doesn't quite add up based on the information posted.


Originally posted by BigRed:
... I thought the CSA were being judged as such failures they were being replaced? Indeed, but you may find the CSA is just being brought in to another department who will be charged with the same task. There may be a few tweaks to the rules (and increasing powers!), but the principle will not change.