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  1. #1
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    Default Fishing for Love: How to Catch a Thai Bride

    10pm Monday 17th Feb BBC 4
    The story of a small fishing community on the West Coast of Denmark, where over 900 Thai women are married to the local fishermen.

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    Veteran ผู้มีประสบการณ์ toddmeister's Avatar
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    A "small" fishing community with 900 thai-farang marriages? Hmmm

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    Am I the only person here who gets really annoyed at the phrase "Thai bride"? It conjurs the steriotypical image of "how much did you buy her/it for which I'm sure we have all had at some point.

    When they report about any other nationalities marriages/weddings its always just that. A married couple from X or just referred to as husband and wife. Nope. Our wives always have to be reffered to as bride even if you have been married for years.


    I'm sure this program will be similar to others in the respect of trying to belittle and bismerch thai/farang relationships.

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    Member สมาชิก Baz M's Avatar
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    Ah . I seen this post and thought that this looks like a rather interesting programme to watch .....but then realized that it was posted 8 minutes into the start of it..........and with no bbc i-player available to me it meant that I was going to miss it... How about a bit more notice next time ha-ha

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    Veteran ผู้มีประสบการณ์ prikphet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by walshie View Post
    Am I the only person here who gets really annoyed at the phrase "Thai bride"? It conjurs the steriotypical image of "how much did you buy her/it for which I'm sure we have all had at some point.
    Couldn't care to be honest as I know it doesn't apply to me, others will always think what they think...I think we're all guilty of that.

    Interesting program filmed over 10 years, my wife got upset as she didn't realise how lucky she was in her Childhood compared to the situation of some of these women. Not one mother / relative in that program tried to persuade their siblings not to go to Pattaya and sell themselves - in fact that actively pushed them - kind of tells you everything you need to know. Also, I'm never comfortable of the emotionless way they leave their Children to go seek their fortune - but I realise that Thai's and showing emotions don't go hand in hand.

    iPlayer Link
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episod...h-a-thai-bride

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    Russian bride also gets a lot of talk.

    I find it's jealous, overweight native women that make the comments most, those or the male equivalent who have never traveled outside of the UK before.

    When I was working in Suffolk one of the locals, who'd worked the job for nearly twenty years made a comment about a Thai lady who came in to offer massages to all the staff. You can imagine the kind of remark. The only ones laughing were the sad sacks such as himself and by the time he remembered I was married to a Thai I was on hand to be looking at him. The shame, embarrassment and guilt on his face was a picture, far more impact than the joke itself.

    Thai bride/farang.....they wash over me now as the words of the ignorant. In Kalasin, where most of our neighbours have little or no education, the farang term must be said 100 times a day. I have no issue with this. The fact that educated muppets in immigration and so on use the same term is in kin with customs at Heathrow calling Germans Krauts and French Frogs plus far more ignorant names I won't mention.

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    Premium Member Grahame's Avatar
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    I watched this last night and I really don't think the title does the programme justice. It was a fascinating docu-film 88 mins long and as said above fascinatingly filmed over a 10 year period. The other important thing to say is it is pretty much 90% showing the story and situation from the side of the Thai ladies themselves and their friends and families.

    The whole "Thai Bride" thing was only part of the story and centred initially on the original character an ex bar girl from Pattaya who met her Thai husband from Denmark back in the day they moved back to Denmark together and married (and have been married for 24 years). The wish of many family and friends in her village back in Isaan was to marry a farrang and almost by proxy she starts innocently introducing ladies to men in Denmark (not for any reward it has to be said) and that is how the whole thing mushroomed and before you knew it this small town in Denmark had so many Thai nationals living there!

    As I say this is a fascinating film and I am sure even your Thai partners would find it interesting too.

    Well worth a watch in my opinion, don't have any pre conceived perceptions before watching it!
    Grahame
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    Quote Originally Posted by prikphet View Post
    ..my wife got upset as she didn't realise how lucky she was in her Childhood compared to the situation of some of these women. Not one mother / relative in that program tried to persuade their siblings not to go to Pattaya and sell themselves - in fact that actively pushed them - kind of tells you everything you need to know. Also, I'm never comfortable of the emotionless way they leave their Children to go seek their fortune
    Haven't seen the program but my experience is that it's always the female side of the family - the mothers, aunts, older sisters or female friends that push the girls into this kind of trade with the male side being absent, dead, unknowing or powerless (i.e. young brothers). In fact I've never had a bargirl tell me that the impetus came from a father or uncle or brother or male friend. Girls talk about their mothers knowing but their fathers not, and that if they did, they wouldn't tolerate it. As a father, I can imagine it. ("What, you want to prostitute yourself so I can buy a stupid pick-up truck to show off to the silly neighbours?! No!") Even if I were starving, I'd rather starve.

    You're not comfortable with the emotionless way they leave their children? I'm not comfortable with the way many daughters worship their mothers whatever they've done. There's a lot of emotional brainwashing and abuse of children.

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    Premium Member Grahame's Avatar
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    Yes in this programme it was definitely the female members of the family pushing the young girls to leave the farm and head to Patts in order to send money home particularly where the family had loans or debts including debts relating to growing their crops or the "village loan" The girls were told to leave their Fathers in the dark about what they were actually doing to make money "Tell him you are a cleaner or something"

    There was one instance though where the daughter (who had already been to Pattaya but had returned to care for her sick mother) was being pressurised by her Father to return to Pattaya as they were desperate for money and the mother was likely to pass away very soon (which she did sadly) with her illness and he was worried he couldn't continue to pay everything.

    The other example was a 23 year old girl who wanted to visit Denmark to try and find an "older" husband herself so she could support her Son and broader family. Unfortunately the minimum age for her to move and marry in Denmark was 24 so in the end she took the advice of her Aunt and went to Pattaya to stay and work with her Cousin (the girl I mentioned above). Once she had experienced working in Pattaya and the nightlife she was hooked and didn't want to leave Pattaya and go back home.
    Grahame
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    Nothing below, suggests the programme was called "Fishing for Love: How to Catch a Thai Bride" in Denmark.

    http://www.sineplambech.com/love-on-delivery/

    https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8383180/

    www.nationthailand.com/lifestyle/30354670

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    Premium Member Elad's Avatar
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    If anyone asks me (joking or serious) "how much did your Thai bride cost you" my reply is "a lot less than the English one i had before", works every time and they never mention it again.

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    Veteran ผู้มีประสบการณ์ prikphet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grahame View Post
    The wish of many family and friends in her village back in Isaan was to marry a farrang and almost by proxy she starts innocently introducing ladies to men in Denmark (not for any reward it has to be said) and that is how the whole thing mushroomed and before you knew it this small town in Denmark had so many Thai nationals living there!
    Call me a cynic, but I'd be willing to bet my house she was taking some backhanders

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    Premium Member Grahame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prikphet View Post
    Call me a cynic, but I'd be willing to bet my house she was taking some backhanders
    I agree, although in the programme it didn't show anything, but yes I agree....
    Grahame
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grahame View Post
    .. in the end she took the advice of her Aunt and went to Pattaya to stay and work with her Cousin (the girl I mentioned above). Once she had experienced working in Pattaya and the nightlife she was hooked and didn't want to leave Pattaya and go back home.
    I've noticed an aunt effect, where a group of sisters will collude to lean on a girl so requests won't appear to come from the mother, leaving her "clean and saintly" looking to the daughter (or at least giving the daughter an excuse to give the mother the benefit of the doubt). So an aunt or two will talk to her niece, keep on at her about how poor her mother is/what a problem she has and, in this case, even suggest a way to help - whether it be by asking her farang husband, taking out a loan or, in this case, taking a job in a bar. The daughter can think it's her idea to "help" her mother when, really, we all know what's happening - including the mother. The whole bunch are complicit.

    I'm going against the grain here but I tend to feel more sorry for the men on the other side. They may even think they're saving the girl but this one's going to be damaged twice - by Pattaya riches and by her aunt and mother pushing her into it. Those are her role models. How is she going to treat others? And if it weren't for the farang marrying in, the whole cycle would likely continue with her own children. (So at least the farang 'saves' someone, I guess)

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    Quote Originally Posted by walshie View Post
    Am I the only person here who gets really annoyed at the phrase "Thai bride"? It conjurs the steriotypical image of "how much did you buy her/it for which I'm sure we have all had at some point.
    I have actually contacted the film director, I asked if they had any say or input in the Film being renamed by the BBC, below is his reply.

    Hi Greg. I couldn’t agree more. We were very unhappy with the BBC title as it is both stereotypical and derogatory. Their reason for changing the title was that Heartbound wouldn’t attract an audience. We argued in turn that their title would put people off. I will pass your message on to the BBC. Thanks for watching. I’m glad you liked it. Greetings to you and your friends in the Thai/UK community. Janus

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    Premium Member Grahame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greg / Pairin View Post
    I have actually contacted the film director, I asked if they had any say or input in the Film being renamed by the BBC, below is his reply.

    Hi Greg. I couldn’t agree more. We were very unhappy with the BBC title as it is both stereotypical and derogatory. Their reason for changing the title was that Heartbound wouldn’t attract an audience. We argued in turn that their title would put people off. I will pass your message on to the BBC. Thanks for watching. I’m glad you liked it. Greetings to you and your friends in the Thai/UK community. Janus
    Well done Greg!! Great to get feedback straight from the "Horses Mouth" awesome
    Grahame
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  17. #17

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    Well done, Greg. Although it is sad to read that BBC is happy to try and reinforce the stereotype.


    I have just finished watching the show. I thought it was terrific. One of the only shows that didn't try to show Thai women as money-grabbing and evil.
    I found it very sad at times as well. Especially for the poor children that are involved.


    Sad at the end as well with all the deaths...


    All in all surprisingly emotive and informative documentary. Will definitely recommend.

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    Premium Member caller's Avatar
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    Does anyone know where else this film is available to view? Iplayer is a non no here.

    Thanks for any help
    'Tis me

  19. #19

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    Caller, I have no idea where you are based but after some searching I found this: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/heartbound

    the title of the link said the video was 1hr 30 mins which is about right. I cant verify if it works as it says its not available to watch in the uk

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    I downloaded it from Pirate Bay.

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