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Thread: Thai Tales

  1. #1
    R.I.P. Thaddeus's Avatar
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    For the last few years I have been sadly remiss in posting some of my experiences of my life in Thailand, I will try to make amends by sharing a few stories, things you can expect if you ever retire here or stay for an extended period.

    This one happened yesterday.

    I needed to leave the house early, one of the ex-pats had a computer problem, he said fix it and I will feed you..... done deal.

    I told my Mac to shut-down and went to close and lock the back door, on my way through the kitchen I heard a noise, the sort of noise that is made by a small plastic bowl being pushed over a tiled floor, great, one of the small dogs has pushed a doggy dish under a kitchen unit and the rats are back..... wonderful.

    I got down on all fours for a look, spotted the small plastic bowl, the multitude of legs supporting the kitchen units, and an elongated shape with a diamond patterned smooth skin.... this is not looking good.

    I can't lock up the house with a snake under the kitchen units, as when I return it could be anywhere.... and maybe venomous.... 80% of the snakes here aren't..... but that means that 20% are.

    I backed off and shut my office door, shuffled slowly to shut the door to the bathroom, backed off slightly quicker to close the front door and the door to little girls room, took a side step into our bedroom, grabbed the quilt and the closed that door..... only one door open, the one it must have come in through.

    Quilt draped over my arm, I looked around for something to prod it with, floor broom? ... nah too short .... vacuum cleaner, yep, that'll do.

    It was set to blow, I had been cleaning one of wifey's computers and the effect was non-existent... so I set it to suck, felt the welcome thud of a jammed tube and heard the whine of a hoover about to demand overtime payments.

    Withdraw hose, felt the unwelcome release of an unblocked tube and heard the noise of a gratefully relieved hoover.

    The snake then decided that it had had enough, it slithered out from under the kitchen units and confronted me, raised itself up from the floor, spread the hood and showed its fangs.

    I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux....... and it is looking right at me, that moment probably spanned around three seconds, but it felt like an eternity ..... the snake in it's infinite wisdom, decided I wasn't worth bothering with and left by the back door.

    People that try to tell you that a bungie jump gives you an adrenaline rush ...... know nothing.

  2. #2
    R.I.P. Thaddeus's Avatar
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    For the last few years I have been sadly remiss in posting some of my experiences of my life in Thailand, I will try to make amends by sharing a few stories, things you can expect if you ever retire here or stay for an extended period.

    This one happened yesterday.

    I needed to leave the house early, one of the ex-pats had a computer problem, he said fix it and I will feed you..... done deal.

    I told my Mac to shut-down and went to close and lock the back door, on my way through the kitchen I heard a noise, the sort of noise that is made by a small plastic bowl being pushed over a tiled floor, great, one of the small dogs has pushed a doggy dish under a kitchen unit and the rats are back..... wonderful.

    I got down on all fours for a look, spotted the small plastic bowl, the multitude of legs supporting the kitchen units, and an elongated shape with a diamond patterned smooth skin.... this is not looking good.

    I can't lock up the house with a snake under the kitchen units, as when I return it could be anywhere.... and maybe venomous.... 80% of the snakes here aren't..... but that means that 20% are.

    I backed off and shut my office door, shuffled slowly to shut the door to the bathroom, backed off slightly quicker to close the front door and the door to little girls room, took a side step into our bedroom, grabbed the quilt and the closed that door..... only one door open, the one it must have come in through.

    Quilt draped over my arm, I looked around for something to prod it with, floor broom? ... nah too short .... vacuum cleaner, yep, that'll do.

    It was set to blow, I had been cleaning one of wifey's computers and the effect was non-existent... so I set it to suck, felt the welcome thud of a jammed tube and heard the whine of a hoover about to demand overtime payments.

    Withdraw hose, felt the unwelcome release of an unblocked tube and heard the noise of a gratefully relieved hoover.

    The snake then decided that it had had enough, it slithered out from under the kitchen units and confronted me, raised itself up from the floor, spread the hood and showed its fangs.

    I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux....... and it is looking right at me, that moment probably spanned around three seconds, but it felt like an eternity ..... the snake in it's infinite wisdom, decided I wasn't worth bothering with and left by the back door.

    People that try to tell you that a bungie jump gives you an adrenaline rush ...... know nothing.

  3. #3
    Moderator rolyshark's Avatar
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    I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux.......
    I've told you before-the hobbits in Lord of the Rings were just a story...
    I reckon the snake was lucky you don't have a Dyson. Waiting for you to upload it on to You Tube

    Looking forward to the next snippet of ex pat life in the boonies.

  4. #4
    Moderator GTG's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Thaddeus:

    I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux....... and it is looking right at me, that moment probably spanned around three seconds, but it felt like an eternity
    Not many of us get to go eyeball to eyeball with a cobra! Great story, Thad, the sort of thing I'd like to be reading more of here. I know there may be other sites where this is more commonplace but it's different when you know the people involved.
    Gordie T Geordie

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    great story thad, it shows how life can sometimes be in thailand. not always greener.

    steve

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    Great story, well told Thad. More please

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    Originally posted by Thaddeus:I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux.......


    Got to clean the keyboard now, as its full of the coffee i just spat over it.

    Very amusing.

    Glad to hear nothing serious came of it.

  8. #8
    Veteran ผู้มีประสบการณ์ db1's Avatar
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    Good story Thad, would have made somthing nice for supper, dont know if you can eat cobra I know the beers ok
    dont judge me by my past, I dont live there anymore.

    David & Aree

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    dont know if you can eat cobra
    Never tried it myself but the wife and family love it. I've yet to be around the village when they have killed one!
    Lucky

  10. #10
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    I know how you felt Thad, when fixing tiles on my roof in Cyprus I found a skin three foot long shed by a snake, had to keep on relaying the tiles, all the time heart pounding when moving the tiles, never did find the snake and don't know how it got up there.
    (never ever steal! the government hates the competition.)

  11. #11
    R.I.P. Thaddeus's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Lucky:
    dont know if you can eat cobra
    Never tried it myself but the wife and family love it. I've yet to be around the village when they have killed one!
    Let me get serious for a second, people who can read the DL will already know this.

    You do not kill snakes.

    Snakes are useful, they keep your territory clear of vermin and if you don't bother them then they will not bother you, my fortunate unfortunate incident was a one off.

    The synchronisation of ploughing the field next door and me leaving the back door open all day will never be repeated.... I can't blame the snake, it was disturbed from its nest and needed somewhere to hide.

    It was always in my head to just chase it away as snakes don't spread diseases that affect people.... rodents do, and very nasty ones at that.

    But having said that, I was lucky, very lucky indeed.... when I told one of the ex-pat wives here what had happened, she asked me what house number I have.

    I told her and asked her to buy me the same lottery numbers

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