For the last few years I have been sadly remiss in posting some of my experiences of my life in Thailand, I will try to make amends by sharing a few stories, things you can expect if you ever retire here or stay for an extended period.
This one happened yesterday.
I needed to leave the house early, one of the ex-pats had a computer problem, he said fix it and I will feed you..... done deal.
I told my Mac to shut-down and went to close and lock the back door, on my way through the kitchen I heard a noise, the sort of noise that is made by a small plastic bowl being pushed over a tiled floor, great, one of the small dogs has pushed a doggy dish under a kitchen unit and the rats are back..... wonderful.
I got down on all fours for a look, spotted the small plastic bowl, the multitude of legs supporting the kitchen units, and an elongated shape with a diamond patterned smooth skin.... this is not looking good.
I can't lock up the house with a snake under the kitchen units, as when I return it could be anywhere.... and maybe venomous.... 80% of the snakes here aren't..... but that means that 20% are.
I backed off and shut my office door, shuffled slowly to shut the door to the bathroom, backed off slightly quicker to close the front door and the door to little girls room, took a side step into our bedroom, grabbed the quilt and the closed that door..... only one door open, the one it must have come in through.
Quilt draped over my arm, I looked around for something to prod it with, floor broom? ... nah too short .... vacuum cleaner, yep, that'll do.
It was set to blow, I had been cleaning one of wifey's computers and the effect was non-existent... so I set it to suck, felt the welcome thud of a jammed tube and heard the whine of a hoover about to demand overtime payments.
Withdraw hose, felt the unwelcome release of an unblocked tube and heard the noise of a gratefully relieved hoover.
The snake then decided that it had had enough, it slithered out from under the kitchen units and confronted me, raised itself up from the floor, spread the hood and showed its fangs.
I am now around three feet away from a King Cobra with a Tog 5 Shield and a sword made by Electrolux....... and it is looking right at me, that moment probably spanned around three seconds, but it felt like an eternity ..... the snake in it's infinite wisdom, decided I wasn't worth bothering with and left by the back door.
People that try to tell you that a bungie jump gives you an adrenaline rush ...... know nothing.